You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize