i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She told me I should be a condom model.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
