It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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