you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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