forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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