How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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