When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize