dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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