we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She even gives head with a lisp.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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