I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
