You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
