Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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