Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
