Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
