I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
