who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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