If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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