I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
