just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
