How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
