That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
