I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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