did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize