I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
