So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
