A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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