Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
