Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
