After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
