I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
