Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
