They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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