$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
