Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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