i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
