insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
