My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
