haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
