Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize