She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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