We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize