Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
