the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wish there were birth control emojis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
