I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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