i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
