what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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