My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize