I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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