Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
