I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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