don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
