Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
