THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
