My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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