remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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