There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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