standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize