There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
