I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
