Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
