They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
