Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize