barbara walters just said penis...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize