Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
