I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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