Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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