what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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