been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
