why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
