I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
