hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
