god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
