i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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