woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
