Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
