so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
