Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize