Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
