tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
