I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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