Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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