Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
