My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
NoShamevember. You game?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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