She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
