Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my being single is dangerous.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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