Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
