And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
