can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
