we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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