Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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