the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im six kinds of drunk right now
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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