I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
