dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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