My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
