just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
