just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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