New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize