He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
