ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have post one night stand depression
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
