Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize