she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
