we need to drink 2009 down the drain
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize