I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
