would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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