I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
