Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize