she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
