The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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