I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
