She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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