i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
