someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
