Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
